we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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