I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
