i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
