Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
