It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize