Sry I called you an 8
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
well you can't waste a boner
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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