but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
