omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
