I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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