I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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