If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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