So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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