Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
