you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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