...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize