Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
