So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
