dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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