Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
