I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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