you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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