Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize