i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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