I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
