the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
