Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
