Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
