OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
