its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
