He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
