I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
