i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
