Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
