he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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