We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
