we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
