Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
