He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
