What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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