i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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