I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't deserve a penis
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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