She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
