Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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