He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
