and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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