what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
