We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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