I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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