Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
