Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
