but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We have started to decorate penises.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
