Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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