Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize