thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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