im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
