Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
