I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
