a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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