I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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