We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
