I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
