Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
