why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
