I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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