Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We need to get me chipped asap
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
