He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
