Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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