A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
